Gorilla, the founder of Grind Era Worldwide (GEW – Taiwan), who lived a broken bullied teenage life, is slowly falling into a lonely abyss which all hope is lost.
Perhaps this is only a life changing path by choice, but in fact, this is a case that has been depriving his future and pushing him into a sinister and uncomfortable state. In such life without light and hope, how did he find meaning in life from heavy music, and how to eventually take the courage to start holing events again? He still continues to bear an unstable mental state, how is he still able to come up with this “GEW3.0- The Funeral”, which seemingly be like the last event of life. What are the backstories behind it for him to keep on going even living in a dark life?
Gorilla: “When I was about to face entrance exams for high school, I chose a school that my family was extremely opposed to. I mean, it’s hard for most people to believe that a big guy like me would want to choose to study nursing. After my parents strongly “suggested”, I was forced to study engineering. In such an unwilling compliance, dissatisfaction has always clouded me.”
“It’s very hard to imagine if judged from the outside, I’m very eager to take care of patients and see them get relief from good care. Whatsmore, I also get my redemption from doing so. I have epilepsy, physical and mental illnesses and these are also the reasons why I’m so committed in nursing.”
When did the biggest change happen?
“It was kind of a blur, but after the exam, I found out that I could actually enter nursing academy with my scores. But like what I said before, I was forced to study engineering, so that didn’t happen.”
“At first, school life started just like everyone else, but only I was feeling a bit forced. About a week or so, I began to feel some of my classmates whispering behind my back, some of them even started laughing at me publicly. I asked them, what did I do to deserve this? Their answers were my clothing’s and accessories that I wore were why they made fun of me.”
The reason why the bullying started
“When I was in high School, I was fond of things of what they say“girl related”. For example, Girls’ Generation, Barbie, and even bags and clothings with colors that most people would relate to females, and this directly made me a target for them and they started bullying me for seven years ever since.”
“I was just a little mad at first, thought that they’ll stop at some point, but it only gotten worse. It became they yelling at me and saying mean stuff to me every day. Even if I responded directly to ask them to stop, they responded with a childish manner. Later this situation escalated into physical attacks.”
“It’s like a burn mark in the heart, you just can’t get rid those images after you’ve been through something like that. I remembered one day, I was on the way back to the classroom, suddenly, about three or four classmates dragged me into a dark room. I remembered every detail from that moment, the curtains, the girls outside keeping an eye out for them. My earphones were pulled off and been thrown on the floor. I don’t remember how long it took, all I know is took a pretty hard beating. Then there’s one of them saying “Let’s stop for a second, I have to smoke first before we continue…”, after he finished, they started abusing me by throwing chairs, splashing water, and many more ways that you could imagine, I have to live with that kind of life for five goddamn years!!”
I can’t forget the moment when my earphones were pulled off, the punches and kicking on my face and body. In deep desperation, I knew that no one’s coming for me…
My inspirations from heavy music
“The first time was vague, but the first song that got me into heavy music was Faint by Linkin Park. Chester’s screaming and singing delivered a strong message from his own pain. You could literally feel his pain.”
“Some thoughts suddenly flashed by “Why should I only be an audience, why shouldn’t do more?” Maybe become an event holder?” So, one night, at the end of November 2015, I called several friends, schoolmates and colleagues and formed a team. The next day we immediately started looking for venues that we could use, one thought was stuck in my mind and that is now I’m the one in charge, I have to seize every moment and opportunity to make this happen. Eventually, everything had come in line, the lineup and the money were also good to go, and I finally held my first music fest, which is now known as GEW. It has been seven years since then, before mental illness found its way to get to me.”
“The screams of metal music make me feel released, and from that my soul is redeemed, which set me into a relaxed state of mind, and give me the strength to keep on holding events.”
What is the reason to become a music manager?
“I really have a lot to thank to some of my friends and shifu who helped me through all of this. I have informed my close friends about what I’ve been going through. They are doing everything they can to care for me and support me, they even taught me how to organize events, and not giving up life and find direction and motivation to keep on living.”
“Because of these events, people might get their own sense of redemption like I was hoping to get for myself. Even if you can’t get to find a cure for yourself, you can still give that to the audience and gain a little self-satisfaction. This will make you unable to stop from doing more.
Why’s this event called The Funeral?
“I’m still working very hard on hanging in, I don’t know when I would just let go. Besides of just keeping thinking so, I think it may be better if I just hold my own funeral while alive first in a place and atmosphere I’m used to. Although this is a sad thought to begin with. People live and die, that’s just how life works, so thinking in a different way, we can still face this fact with a positive mind”
“I hope everyone who’s gonna participate in this event, whether it’s a true funeral or not is up to them, can truly enjoy this music event. I’ll be truly grateful to those who have been a part of the journey of my life.”
Grind Era Worldwide 3.0 Presents – The Funeral (2019/07/19)
Whose funeral is this? Even we don’t get to figure that out. Everyone will eventually die one day, we just don’t know when.
Maybe a funeral for ourselves during lifetime would be sweet!!
Speed!! Noise!! Hell!
Nuill & Un Cuento De Hadas
Pacers / Break One’s All
Grind Era Worldwide with Bad Moon Rising